The Aftermath of My Brilliant Invention

So as it turns out my brilliant invention is a total bust. Don't get me wrong it sold like wildfire. The problem is now I have a bunch of angry housewives on my tail. You see it all started with the mistake of using artificial intelligence for the damn program for the talking bathroom floor. We though this would make the thing have more useful and witty things to say.

We scoured the Internet looking for code for an appropriate AI and tried several different packages. We finally found one that we thought would work. I didn't know where it came from, but my intial exposure to it led me to believe it was smart, witty, and a angry. I thought - "this one is perfect!" What better personality for this type of thing.

We rushed it through manufacture, skipped the testing, and launched right into development of the product. Bad idea, seriously bad idea. There were immediate problems. The first day, we got calls saying things like "my husband won't come out of the bathroom," and "the urine on the floor has doubled, this thing doesn't work at all."

Of course we had to get to the bottom of it as quickly as possible. So naturally I installed one at the office. A week went by with no reports of problems. Actually, my mostly male staff said they loved it. I thought, that is weird...maybe people are nuts. I was SO wrong.

After a week I used the office bathroom. There was urine everywhere. On the floor, on the wall, in the paper towel dispenser, even a little on the ceiling. I couldn't believe it. How could things have gone so wrong. Then I heard it.

"Hey baby."

Hey baby? Seriously, what the hell was this? Oh, it was the floor. Doing its talking.

"I'm feeling awefully cold daddy."

Hmm? Daddy? That was a little embarrassing.

"How about you warm me up?" it asked in an alluring tone.

"How do you propose I do that?" I queried back an in almost mocking tone.

"You know!" It barked, as it shook a little, making me almost lose my footing. "Give me that Yukon Gold Daddy!"

Oh crap. I walked quickly out of the bathroom, slamming the door as it said a few things that I found embarrasing, something about showering in my man beer or something like that. Also, I think there was a movie reference in there, something abouut tasting the bubbles.

I quickly ran to the tech guys and asked the only question that could be asked. "Where the hell did we get that AI?"

The guys looked at each other and smiled, and it was only then that I noticed they were all completely soaked in urine. "GoldenFetish.com"

Crap.

Anyway, long story short - if you want a floor that invites you to piss all over it, and tells you what a big hunk you are for doing it, we've got your floor.