e-Cigarette Fun

Boredom overtook me today. I went to my favorite dive, a little Mexican joint that gives me intense stomach pains at least twice a year but services the best salsa. They have this little patio there that is half-way in the restaurant, and half-way outside. As I walked up, I saw the "No Smoking" signs everywhere. Now I should start by saying that I don't smoke. I should also say that I don't like to be told what to do. So I did what any other self-respecting, completely insane, anti-establishment, red-blooded American would do.

I marched myself down to Walgreen's and bought myself some e-Cigarettes, and a pack of old fashioned Marlboro Reds. I went right back to the restaurant, and went straight to the the attendant, showed him the e-Cigarette (if you aren't familiar this is a little electric stick that puts out water vapor, but looks and feels like a cigarette, as a fair warning it tasks like plastic and old metal, but apparently will satisfy a nicotine craving, though I wouldn't know since I don't crave nicotine).

I said "Can I smoke this here?"

His reply was, "As long as it isn't a real cigarette it is fine."

Teehee. So, I grabbed a table, right at the edge of the patio and lit up a Marlboro. Immediately the dirty looks started in from this ancient little dwarf of a woman. She started in with the over-dramatize coughing, and rubbing her eyes as if poisonous chlorine gas had suddenly filled the air. Then she did a few of the "uggghumm" throat clearing gestures, and nodded her head to the no smoking signs. "Choke on a taco," I said in response.

Looking severely shocked, she waved for a waiter. That was my queue to hide the Marlboro and whip out the electronic version. I immediately put on a slightly disappointed face, and puffed away at my fake stick, eyeing the electronic red glow coming from the end of it. She whispered something unintelligible into the ear of the waiter. He looked at me, and pointed to the sign. I looked back and held up the "Smoke-Anywhere Brand e-Cigarette" package.

He smiled, turned to her and said loudly, "It isn't real ma'am. Its just water vapor. It helps people quit smoking."

She looked utterly shocked. She protested. She demanded that she smelled smoke. The waiter told her it was in her head, and proceeded to ignore her. Bam. Out with the Marlboro. I smoked it down, coughing as I went (seriously, I'm not a smoker). I put the cigarette out on the corner of her plate, and left. I love Mexican places.